So earlier this month, Her Highness Yolanda King manifested her infinite generosity and kindness once again, deigning to put forth a magnanimous proposal to the sophomore class: anyone who has been placed in a dorm-style double has the opportunity upon the blessing to live in…the Medford Square Hyatt? Um, there’s a reason the Joey goes to Davis and not Medford—Medford sucks…. And nobody from Tufts ever hangs out there.

But it’s not our buddy Miss King’s fault. See, according to her email, “This year applying students said ‘yes’ to Tufts’ offer of admission in record numbers.” Well, according to students, ma’am, ResLife last year ****ed up kids’ housing situations with record efficacy. So, ever so surprisingly, ResLife failed to plan for a large freshman class, and the same rising sophomores who sat around in Cousens for hours during the lottery and then found themselves waitlisted for months are now being asked to live in a hotel (with an R.A.) and ride a shuttle to campus.

First selling point mentioned in Yolie’s email: “You’ll receive a free daily continental breakfast.” Well hey, if I can eat all the plastic-y cheese Danishes and spoiled yogurt I want, screw it—I’m game.