It's true!  You wanna know how I know?  Well, the Free Lance Star reports that a change in federal law is making contraceptives more difficult to obtain on college campuses.  Many things logically follow from this!

1. As our government surely understands that decreasing our capacity to purchase contraceptives isn't going to decrease our sexy time, the only explanation for this legislation is that they want us to produce more baby Americans.

2. And as our government surely understands that we are already enjoying an overpopulated Earth, the only explanation for this legislation is that they are trying to create a massive baby American army.

3. Though I don't know what our government plans to do with this army of babies, I do know this much: This development bodes well for those who want Title IX overturned, as the government will surely reconsider its decision in favor of manliness.   After all, we can't be weak and slow if we're to do battle with Iran or North Korea or Mars.

No need to check my math.  I'm, like, a genius at this conspiracy theory stuff.