You're in college, it's your senior year. You've been dating you're hyper-conservative girlfriend awhile, and you're thinking about tying the knot. Well, you might want to check out the “Marriage for a Lifetime Contest” where the grand prize is $10,000. The contest is being held by a Georgian "marriage promotion" group called Marriage Appreciation Training Uplifiting Relationship Education (M.A.T.U.R.E....clever acronym no?). So what do you have to do? Behold:

CONTEST DETAILS

> What: Marriage for a Lifetime wedding essay contest

> Requirements: Bride and groom must agree to undergo premarital education. Must agree not to serve alcohol at reception. Couple agrees not to have premarital sex. At least one of the couple must live in DeKalb, Newton or Rockdale counties.

> To apply: Submit 600-word essay to the Mature Project, Rockdale Medical Center, 1412 Milstead Ave., Conyers, GA 30012. Deadline: Oct. 31

Guess how many people have applied for the contest so far? Zero. It seems there really are some things money can’t buy.

It’s unclear whether or not you can already be engaged and just stop having sex, or just get engaged and get married a month later, which means you’d only have to hold out for thirty days. And really, what is the monitoring system to make sure the couple isn’t having sex? Do have to wear ankle monitors that beep if they get within 10 feet of each other? How about a sensor rigged to their chest that wails an alarm if their heart rate gets above a certain BPM? If anyone from M.A.T.U.R.E. would like to fill me in on this, I’m all ears.