On Thursday I provided college males out there with a list of 5 essentials to survive as the market continues to go straight to Hell and promised to follow up with a list of 5 essentials for the female student. As promised, here is my list of essentials for the average college female to get through these tough financial times, because not all of you have your daddy's credit card in your pocket.

1) Boy toy - Find that guy out there that is yearning for a relationship and will do anything to have you. Keep holding the hope of a relationship over his head and he'll keep grabbing the bill after dinner and you'll have someone to keep you warm at night. And yes, I feel slightly less manly after writing that Cosmo-esque blurb.

2) Cheap Wine - Because you're classier than those sloppy, Natty drinking guys. Note to drinker, if the wine doesn't taste good at first, that's just a sign from above to drink more. Like Natty for the guys, drinking an excessive amount of cheap wine will keep you happy when you should be sad, not to mention warm when you can't afford to heat your house. Of course, if you followed essential number one, you'll already have this taken care of.

3) Birth Control - They're about 99% effective, giving you some relief while you sin with your boy toy. Yeah, it's expensive, but a kid costs more.

4) Flash Light - So when the electric company turns the power off, you can still see yourself in the mirror at night and make yourself look FABULOUS!!! The boy toy will appreciate this and will continue his endless stream of compliments and random presents that he got you just because.

5) A certain monthly product - ...Nothing else needs to be said.

There you have it, ladies. Follow my list precisely as is and I don't guarantee that you'll make it through to the end of the tunnel as the economy continues to deteriorate. Now what are you waiting for!? Get out there, grab yourself a boy toy, drink the cheap wine he bought you and get laid so you can get your mind off where you will be in the future. Most likely in a ditch, because a storm came by and destroyed your cardboard box house.