Tomorrow, millions of Americans will huddle around their dinner tables—with relatives that they may or may not care to see—to ingest an insurmountable bounty of food.

As this momentous day only rolls around once a year, I implore each and every one of you to begin fasting now, in order to make the most of it.

Remember: it’s a marathon, not a race.

Oh, and don’t waste anything either. Even if your belt starts to give way, keep on stuffing food into your mouth. Being in shape is out of Vogue anyway.

Plus, you’ve earned it; it’s been a rough year – what with the economic downturn and all.

But, forget all that. For the next 24 hours, push all your worries out of sight, out of mind. Enjoy your family’s company, and start counting the days ‘til Christmas.

Happy Gobble Gobble Day, OTR!