Ah the new years celebration. A time where change is possible for everyone, because of a little thing called New Years Resolutions. The obese can lose weight, the immature can grow up, and politicians can stop being corrupt - a long shot, I know - all because of this simple practice. Below are some suggestions to certain organizations and/or people for their New Years Resolution.

New York Yankees - Stop being the douche-bags of Major League Baseball.

State of Illinois - An uncorrupted Governor, please.

Israel and Palestine - Speak before bombing, because words will never harm you but rocket launchers will.

David Duchovny - Hilarious in Zoolander and TV Set, but keep it in your pants next year.

United States Government - I'm almost done with college and need to make a career move despite college putting me in debt. How about you bail ME out next year?

Sarah Palin - Go into recluse. That simple.

Tina Fey - Actually, you're already good to go. Keep up the good work.

Time Warner Cable in Oxford, OH - Start working or GO AWAY!

Walmart - Stop being evil and cut off ties to the Chinese trade. Actually, just take care of the first one and you're set.

MTV - Play a music video or two on your music television station before your next episode of the show featuring bisexual twins.

Reality TV - Cease to exist.

Global Warming - I know we've been screwing the pooch, but slow down the process would ya? Your global warming induced hurricanes make religious nut jobs think God is out to get us.

Oil Execs - Alternative source of energy NOW. Not later when we're in the middle of starting WW III with China over the last oil reserve. Again... NOW, I SAY, NOW!

As for myself, my New Years Resolution is to keep being awesome. I hope I'm not being premature in saying Mission Accomplished.