Despite the finest professors, facilities, and resources, Notre Dame will never be ranked as a top 10 university in America for one reason: South Bend's miserable climate.  Case and point, yesterday, October 27th, it snowed, and yet only a week and a half ago South Benders were hanging outside, basking in the rich sun and the high 60s.

The first snowfall not only ends the last traces of summer, but it condensed the entire fall season into a 4 day period, which every student enjoyed elsewhere on account of fall break. Like a nervous virgin, the Fall season has pre-ejaculated, ending a potentially enjoyable Autumn ride far too early. Unfortunately, all we can do is encourage Fall that "it wasn't that bad," give it a book on kegel exercises, and hope for a longer autumn next year.

And so begins Notre Dame's 6 month plunge into hibernation, a carnal instinct of the student body necessary to avoid a merciful mass suicide. Obviously, the single worst aspect of Notre Dame is the incredibly long, relentlessly depressing, and soul-destroying winter season. If all colleges in the U.S. formed a single human body, South Bend's winter is the reason Notre Dame would be placed at its grundle. I can already hear the deserved mockery coming from USC. Good luck fellow Domer's, I hope you survive, and maybe I'll see you on the other side.