A mixer, by definition, is an event during which a sorority and a fraternity mix (clever, no?) together to party and make new friends. Even better is a themed mixer, which is like Halloween in that it allows girls to dress like sluts without being judged by their contemporaries. Cops and robbers, rockstars and groupies (see above), cowboys and Indians –basically all just excuses to wear booty-shorts out in public.

However, with the Office of Fraternity and Sorority Affairs (OFSA) constantly up our butts with rules about drinking and social freeze and all that fun stuff, lately it seems like Greek life is being forced to be sneakier and sketchier than necessary.

For instance, saying the word “mixer” is akin to saying “Voldemort” – you don’t do it unless you want to get the life sucked out of you by some frighteningly powerful superior being (be it an OFSA officer or just a scary, nose-less villain from a popular children’s book).

Technically, you can’t officially call something a mixer unless it’s a registered party, at which people would be carded and “over 21” ID bracelets would be allotted only to those eligible to drink (start memorizing those fakes, people).

As a result, most mixer invitations are more cryptic than Gertrude Stein (if this reference means nothing to you, read Tender Buttons). Think something along the lines of: “The guys of [insert frat name] are having a get-together at [insert address] and only the members of [insert sorority name] will be invited. So you should all plan on attending and arriving on time because no other sororities will attend [wink, wink, nudge, nudge].” See, no mention of mixers, alcohol, or booty-shorts to be found.

Is OFSA is seriously crafty enough to hack into our Gmail accounts and analyze the diction and punctuation of our “non-mixer” e-vites? Thoughts?