In a newsletter Mayor Ken Pringle sent out on July 4 about Belmar tourists, he complained about the rambunctious behavior of guidos and guidettes in his peaceful town. He describes Belmar as “lovely and tranquil,” and he plans on keeping it that way.

With statements like, they are "as welcome as, oh, Canada geese” and “we are thankful she left her brass knuckles and straight razor in her other purse,"  you would think this guy wasn’t from “Jerzey”.

Clearly he has a bias against Staten Islanders and Italian-Americans in general. Need proof? Here's a totally real list he composed of campuses where you can spot guidos in their various forms.

Montclair State University has a rap for its surplus of the excessively-gelled-blowout-haired guido. Isn’t the entire state of New Jersey the capital?! You can spot these fellas from their popped collars stained with hair grease and fake diamond earrings complete with the Tony Soprano pinky ring.

Rollins College’s species love the beach. You can catch these muscle-head critters on the boardwalk wearing a sleeveless shirt that is three sizes too small. His fellow guidette is known for her botched nose job and breast implants which are usually plopped into a Juicy Couture bikini top that barely  covers the nipple.

St. Johns University: home of the city guido (most likely from Queens). According to Stop the Globe Spike’s blurb, these “can be found at local clubs dancing to crappy music with plastic skanks or driving their parents cars pretending it's theirs listening to crappy music at full blast thinking they are cool.” Ouch.

Penn State University is where the southern guido/guidette resides. When these country bumpkins get bored in their isolated homes, they entertain themselves by taking MySpace photos in their "Italian Princess" tees, making pouty faces to compensate for their lack-there-ofs.

Arizona State University harbors a super breed of guido: basically all three of the previously mentioned types rolled into one.

Now that you know my little secret, you can either avoid these locations or buy a box of condoms and "have it your way" (if that's your thing).