Facebook Strikes Back, or: How I Learned to Stop Ranting and Love the Lisp

Facebook Strikes Back, or: How I Learned to Stop Ranting and Love the Lisp
Boy, it sure must suck to be Lucy "Goosey" Caldwell '09. Moonlighting as a budding journalist with a knack for raping Ethics and a mild speech impediment can get you far -- but only so far.

During an appearance on CNN this morning, Goosey revealed that she happened upon Caroline G's profile after some incredibly resourceful "sleuthing" on Facebook -- sleuthing that, as was revealed in the tell-all, gave Facebook reason to kill Lucy's profile.

Facebook spokespeople, when asked why they really annihilated Goosey's profile, said simply: "Uhm. Because she's a heinous bitch?"

Aw shucks, guys -- don't be so hard on her. She's really quite charming, and eloquent. Consider this choice excerpt from the interview:

"So [Caroline] was a member of the Facebook group," asked the reporter, "but did she say anything specifically about supporting [Obama] for President on this page?"

Goosey: "Uhhh, well uhh [drool] uuuh, wellllll . . . uuhhhh [quack] . . . SHE'S A LIBERAL!!!"

Yeah, Lucy. That's what we thought. And was it worth it? Well, as Lucy says, now that she's Facebook free she'll have more time to burn crosses on the lawns of the sexually assaulted during the schoolyear.

Looks like it's Lucy -- not Facebook -- who'll have the last lisp -- uhhh, laugh. I swear, I meant laugh.
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Comments

Dr. Jamf
Lucy is actually really nice in person. Posted 08/08/2007 12:19 PMReply
Captain Planet
Well, unfortunately, since she's a "journalist," more people will Read her than Meet her.

And I, for one, don't think she's so nice in the first place.
Posted 08/08/2007 12:22 PMReply
Anonymous
Daaaaamn, Gina. Must've taken some serious digging to find that discoball of a polyester blouse at the bottom of the T.J. Maxx bargain bin. Posted 08/08/2007 12:31 PMReply
Anonymous
The ridges are the best part of the dress. That and the fact it is so shiny. Poor Lucy, she even looks like she got her hair did for this.

FAME
WHORE
Posted 08/08/2007 12:39 PMReply
J.L.
I don't agree with her actions either, but is making fun of her lisp really necessary? Posted 08/08/2007 3:42 PMReply
Anonymous
no, but it's fuuuunny Posted 08/08/2007 4:15 PMReply
TrypleDystylled
Fame Whore is right! She makes it sound like shes a facebook queen...she makes herself out to be a real geek Posted 08/08/2007 4:42 PMReply
Anonymous
she needs to get a life... when i heard that a student reported on the story, i was figuring that it was a freshman that doens't know any better. i was disappointed, but not very surprised. Posted 08/10/2007 12:23 PMReply
Anonymous
Ditto; nobody who's read her writing in The Crimson could have been surprised. Fame whore. Posted 08/10/2007 1:24 PMReply

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