Boy, it sure must suck to be Lucy "Goosey" Caldwell '09. Moonlighting as a budding journalist with a knack for raping Ethics and a mild speech impediment can get you far -- but only so far.

During an appearance on CNN this morning, Goosey revealed that she happened upon Caroline G's profile after some incredibly resourceful "sleuthing" on Facebook -- sleuthing that, as was revealed in the tell-all, gave Facebook reason to kill Lucy's profile.

Facebook spokespeople, when asked why they really annihilated Goosey's profile, said simply: "Uhm. Because she's a heinous bitch?"

Aw shucks, guys -- don't be so hard on her. She's really quite charming, and eloquent. Consider this choice excerpt from the interview:

"So [Caroline] was a member of the Facebook group," asked the reporter, "but did she say anything specifically about supporting [Obama] for President on this page?"

Goosey: "Uhhh, well uhh [drool] uuuh, wellllll . . . uuhhhh [quack] . . . SHE'S A LIBERAL!!!"

Yeah, Lucy. That's what we thought. And was it worth it? Well, as Lucy says, now that she's Facebook free she'll have more time to burn crosses on the lawns of the sexually assaulted during the schoolyear.

Looks like it's Lucy -- not Facebook -- who'll have the last lisp -- uhhh, laugh. I swear, I meant laugh.