Last week, Forbes released their inaugural list of the best colleges in the United States, and my alma mater, Northwestern, came in eleventh place, beating out four of the eight Ivy League universities.

Don’t believe me? Here’s the evidence, Mr. Naysayer:

1. Princeton University
2. California Institute of Technology
3. Harvard University
4. Swarthmore College
5. Williams College
6. United States Military Academy
7. Amherst College
8. Wellesley College
9. Yale University
10. Columbia University
11. Northwestern <--- Booyah!
…
27. Brown
...
61. Penn
…
121. Cornell
…
127. Dartmouth

As you can see from this scientifically sound list, Northwestern is significantly better than Brown, Penn, Cornell and Dartmouth. Thanks to Forbes, this is now an undeniable fact, because, as we all know, statistics never lie.

We’re actually better than Columbia and Yale too, but for whatever reason, Forbes elected to put them just slightly above us.

I suspect sabotage.