So this Saturday is the biggest holiday of mid-October… Sweetest Day 2008 (sorry National Boss’s Day). It’s a poor man’s Valentine’s Day except that no poor man could really afford the lavish gifts and gestures some (re: needy) woman expect.
 

It was a fateful day 87 years ago that brought a team of candy makers in Cleveland together. How, oh how, could they scam people into buying more of their candy than usual, they wondered. Alas, a fall companion for Valentine’s Day was created and Sweetest Day was born. Technically, Sweetest Day differs from the Cupid cheesefest, in that the October version isn’t just for your one true love, but all the people who make your life special. All the better to sap more money from you on this very sappy day.
 

Metromix, ever the helpful restaurant and bar guide, offers up some “sweet hookups for Sweetest Day,” but it’s not what you (ok, I) thought it would be. It’s actually a list of nice eateries and lounges with mood lighting.
 

But, if you’re single and looking to mingle, and you want a real “sweet hookup,” skip the classy and go right to the fine Chicago establishments below. They’re not new, they’re not unique and they’re certainly not nice, but they get the job done:
 

John Barleycorn: It’s a big open dance floor filled with skimpy-outfitted singles and the sleazebags who want to rub up on them. With just an ounce of charm and a lot of grinding, you should be able to find someone to take home for the evening.

McFaddens: This Wednesday night staple features super cheap drinks and coeds who’ve had a lot of them. You may just find your one night stand true love fighting you for a spot at the bar.

The Apartment: Pound beers downstairs at the Lion Head Pub then head upstairs to an apartment-like (thus the name) drunken dance-off. The best part is when you do find that special someone, you can be in a “bedroom” in no time.

The Deuce: No explanation necessary.