Surely you haven't missed the exciting news that Northwestern is, in fact, recognizing Constitution Day. Can you imagine anything more exciting than a holiday that doesn't affect anyone in the student body, given that none of us have arrived on campus yet? Thank God that an e-mail notification was sent out informing us of Northwestern's non-celebration of this non-holiday, because otherwise all of us still sitting at home obsessively Facebooking would have been left totally in the dark.

The official "informative, interactive" website is pretty great, though. It honors the pretend holiday by putting up a picture of our pretend diversity, but spending our real tuition dollars to build the site. Loves it. Let's get drunk!