The recession is affecting everyone, especially college students. Forced to survive on food stamps and having made the switch from mid-shelf Smirnoff to hidden-in-back-of-the-shelf Popov, students are becoming increasingly poorer. The Chicago Sun Times, however, is reporting on an answer to college students’ prayers.

The rich white guys in Congress finally want to cut everyone a break and they are hard at work trying to pass a legislation making college cheaper. The plan is to stop colleges from raising tuitions, have Pell grants available year-round and offering textbook lists months in advance (so students have time to shop around).

                                          Hmm, do they know who they’re dealing with?

In my three years of college experience, I have seen students go to extreme measures to avoid having to get out of bed. When it comes to laziness, college students rival the skills of Britney Spears' lovers (i.e. Kevin Federline and Sam Lufti). Sure, offering grants year-round and announcing books early is a great idea but college students do not want to be bothered with school until a week after they have started classes and are scrimmaging to get everything done.

So here's a proposal for Congress - Drop college tuition by 50%, throw in free pizza, booze and condoms & we'll just buy books online. Maybe this way, we won't have to resort to charging for those drunken hook-ups!