It's the first day of the college football season, and as TV tells us, the only way to celebrate such an occassion is with expert breakdowns and predictions!

Rose Bowl: Ohio St. vs. Cal. Ohio State won't win the Big 10 because they're better than Wisconsin or Michigan, they'll win the Big 10 because Wisconsin and Michigan will screw up this seemingly easy task. Why Cal? Because they're not USC and they're not the rest of the PAC-10.

Sugar Bowl: LSU vs. West Virginia. The state of West Virginia probably couldn't handle the excitement of the BCS Title Game, so they'll throw their game versus Louisville. LSU will lose in the SEC because everyone will lose in the SEC.

Fiesta Bowl: Texas vs. Florida. Florida will realize they should have practiced more and jerked off in front of the mirror less when they finish second in the SEC. If you're Oklahoma or Texas, how do you not win the Big 12?

Orange Bowl: Va. Tech vs. Michigan. This will be a good matchup for Va. Tech, as the selfless Chad Henne will do an excellent job of helping VTech heal.

BCS Championship: USC vs... Louisville? The Cardinals will finally do what so many above-average teams before them should have done: go undefeated in the Big East. It won't matter, though, because USC, fresh from taking a year off, will rape and pillage their way to another national title.