Homegirl, you’ve got it all wrong. Look at your friends around you. Kid’s jersey as tops? Cute (especially when they’ve all got different numbers). Chick in the fitted Cal shirt? Also, cute. So, what the hell are you doing in an off-the-shoulder excuse you call a shirt that looks like it was hemmed by the jaws of grizzly bear? Have you not learned anything? I know you think you’ve got the whole “crouching blonde, hidden sexpot” thing going on, but all you’re doing is making us wonder why you’ve chosen a blind G-ma with a tremble as your seamstress.

Please, please PLEASE do us all a favor and put those goddamn scissors down. Thank you.