You probably heard it when you were a wide-eyed freshman in high school at some exciting first day assembly. And you’ve definitely heard it about three hundred times as you prepare to enter your first year at this esteemed university. If you haven’t heard it, then you probably suffer from some hearing loss issues or have drank or smoked it out of your mind, you dirty hippy. The advice I speak of is none other than “Get involved!” Well here’s what I have to say to the over-hyper, over-confident, self-involved, slightly overweight girl with a microphone that told you that: it’s stupid advice.

Here are some productive activities that people who are “involved” partake in just to send me from zero to pissed in under five seconds: trying convincing me to help your group/club pull grocery carts and beer cans out of the Olentangy at 8am on a Saturday, sitting on the South Oval guarding pinwheels that supposedly raise awareness for abused children in Franklin County from pinwheel-loving troublemakers like me, make me look up from the ground, exposing my face to life-threatening arctic winds while I’m walking to class by passing out fliers for some mundane event, and finally, hearing you bitch about having to do all the shit you willingly whored yourself out to do just so you could put it on your resume.

In short, don’t get involved. It’ll burden you with obligation, and it’ll burden me with obligation to hate you.