Peter Koltak Goes Off the Deep End

Posted by Andy 04/28/2008 5:54 PM

Tags: election president, complain, usg, email, koltak

In case you haven't heard, Koltak is a douche.The man that got kicked out, got re-instated and got elected USG President sent a special message to all OSU students today. What can only be described as an ego-trip is deciphered below. I almost want to believe this is real despite the obvious that someone else wrote the email.

"We would like to thank the Student Affairs Appellate Panel, a group of 3 law students, who have saved Undergraduate Student Government from the ineptitude of undergraduate student governance."

Translation - Good try ****s.

"We also owe our thanks to our new President-elect, Peter Koltak, who has shown the utmost humility...he wisely called upon his parents to represent him in his hearing...incredibly, two professional lawyers with three days to prepare were able to overcome five undergraduates with an hour and a half to read and respond to their arguments."

Translation - I don't know how to put this, but I'm kind of a big deal. People know me. I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.

"We can only hope that Peter Koltak retains such wisdom during his tenure as President. Students should never be trusted to represent ourselves when there are adults who are much more capable than any of our 42,000 peers."

Translation - USG is useless and we should just let lawyers handle our finances.

"Equally confusing is the Chief Justice’s decision to ask President-elect Koltak on a date before hearing the case, but our undergraduates’ grip on the subtleties of jurisprudence, fairness, and justice is tenuous at best."

Translation - Cougar alert!

"Koltak joins an unbroken line of presidencies distinguished by perseverance not even the severest punishments and just disqualification could stop."

Translation - We pay for votes.

"P.S. Who is Amanda Graver? I keep seeing her name next to Peter’s, but the dozen times they were threatened with disqualification, she was nowhere to be seen."

Translation - I hit it and quit it.