What's wrong with this picture? Oh yeah, not a single goddamn penguin.

UCSB plays host to the International Symposium on Antarctic Earth Sciences for only one more day. Now, when that word “Antarctic” tickles your little retinas and shoots into your visual cortex, most people can’t help thinking one thing:

“YAY! PENGUINS!” Be still, my beating heart.

Unfortunately, the topic of global warming (yawn) has dominated the summit. I guess “Earth” sciences don’t include studies of our loveable, waddling friends. This joke seems almost as cruel as the one that God played on all penguins by making them flightless birds.

So don’t rush to the symposium. You aren’t missing much. Here’s a partial transcript of one lecture:

Professor Bruce Luyendyk: “To make predictions about how our global climate is going to evolve—you have to know its historical behavior. Yes, your question?”

Observer: “What about the historical behavior of penguins?”

BL: “Uhh, I could tell you how the greenhouse gases have affected…”

*Observer walks out, slams door loudly*