UW's new batch of freshman will have the pleasure of sitting through the obligatory "do not drink" speeches when they arrive this fall. Housing and University Health Services officials are conspiring to inundate students with a barrage of "drinking is bad" messages during Welcome Week.  

Riveting presentations will be given by police and dormitory officials inspiring middle school flashbacks.  Posters with corny messages galore will plaster walls.  One gem is titled "Can you pass the party test?" which contains true or false questions such as "Passing out is inevitable when people are partying."  (False, by the way.)

Wallet-size "blood alcohol cards" will also be distributed, telling how many drinks would cause a person at a certain height and weight to reach intoxication.  

Too bad all those fake IDs in everyone's wallet leave no room for the oh-so-useful info cards.