Wait, wait, wait. We have a homecoming? And an elected court? And a parade? Is there a dance too? Where the hell have I been the last three years? In an effort to become more like high schoolers than we already are, Michigan crowned the king and queen yesterday in preparation for tomorrow's 3 PM homecoming parade.

The King is Phil Drazewski, who entertains us every week with his full-on Wolverine costume (of the X-Men variety, not the woodland creature) during football games, risking death and dehydration in the 95 degree heat while he's wrapped head to toe in polyester.

The Queen is Gabrielle Sims, who I don't know anything about besides the fact that her facebook picture is a campaign poster for her recently earned title, which I'll be honest, is pretty goddamn lame. I personally would've voted for the stripping Jack Daniel's shirt girl (see comments), who is as equally as entertaining as a guy wearing a children's superhero costume.