During my tenure at Penn State I obviously haven't spent enough time in Pattee Library. Honestly I've probably been there a handful of times, and I didn't see anything too crazy going on, clearly I wasn't looking in the right spots. From public masturbation (allegedly), to anonymous sex, to crapping on books, Pattee is the place to be.

So we all know about the story of Stanley Pringle (allegedly) masturbating in the stacks recently ... or selling hand lotion, whatever the story is. But a story that kind of slipped through the cracks was a report that someone "defecated on a book lying on the floor in the stacks section of East Pattee Library." Someone shat on a book! Look, I'm embarrassed enough to just go into a public bathroom to do my business, so I can't imagine dropping a deuce right there in the library. Gut to each his or her (please be a "his") own.

So with all that going on, do you really need another excuse to visit the library? Well apparently, because next Friday Penn State Libraries will be hosting "National Gaming in Libraries Day." God there's a day for everything. Anyway, according to the Educational Gaming Commons website there'll be "a gaming event on Friday, April18, 2008, from 1:00-5:00 p.m. in the student lounge area of Pattee Library" which will let students use gaming systems like Nintendo Wii, Sony PlayStation 3, and Microsoft Xbox 360. One more reason to not study.

Also, Penn State wants you to take a survey about your library experience because they are "committed to improving your library services." It's a 44 question survey and shockingly none of the questions deal with masturbation, anonymous sex or pooping on books. Maybe that'll be in the survey next year.

And lastly, I got a tip from a reader the other day saying that someone has started a website and a new investigation of the Betsy Aardsma murder which happened in Pattee 40 years ago and remains unsolved. The murderer gets away, but we catch the masturbator? Makes sense.

That damn pooper is still at large though.