Am I the only one who enjoys getting Campus Safety Alert emails? Barring any campus-wide terrorist action or idiotic Rutgers pranks, I can't get enough of these ridiculous reports, and the summer months have proven to be no exception.

Our latest incident borderlines on the PG-13. Let's read:

"A group of male juveniles were talking to several female Princeton University summer camper attendees in the Blair Hall courtyard. During the conversation one of the male juveniles grabbed a body part of one of the female campers."

Seriously Public Safety, if you're going to keep writing to me like I'm in the fourth grade, then I'm going to keep snickering like I'm in the fourth grade.