• Update: The $5,000 reward for the arrest of Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice has been withdrawn. While the justification for her arrest remains, Auckland University Students’ Association president said that the reason for withdrawing the reward was student safety.

• Four Connecticut teenagers have been arrested thanks to Dane Cook. They were enacting a joke he made about committing a B&E (breaking and entering) by smashing the mailboxes at 14 homes, throwing rocks though windows and invading 2 homes.

• A midget has been given a slap on the wrist after he was caught burglarizing a home. He claims that theft is the only career option for him since he can’t find a normal job in a “tall man’s world.”

• Readers of Esquire – you might notice something different about the September issue of the magazine. There will be an electronic cover, thanks to a built-in battery, with the words “the 21st Century Begins Now” flashing across the top.

• Japanese tuna will receive acupuncture treatments as a way to improve their taste. This will mean better sushi since less chemicals will be used to maintain that fresh taste.