University of Michigan OTR: Study Shows Athletes Resemble Primates

Study Shows Athletes Resemble Primates

Posted by Dr. Benton Quest 08/15/2008 2:25 PM
Category: Sports Tags: college athlete victory dances, michael phelps resembles primate, olympic victory pose, chimpanzees monkeys gorillas

According to the Los Angeles Times, researchers from the University of British Columbia and San Francisco State University have found a strong connection between human athletic poses and primate mannerisms.

By examining photographs and testing blind subjects, scientists have concluded that primal behavior is innate in human beings and common athletic mannerisms, i.e. slumped shoulders and hands on one's face when they lose or "clenched fists, thrown-back heads and outstretched arms" when they win, are comparable to the dominance statures of chimpanzees and gorillas.

In other words, Michael Phelps (depicted above) is a gorilla.

OTR decided to test this hypothesis by digging through archival footage of college athletes, coaches and fans and comparing their mannerisms with those of monkeys, chimps and gorillas.

Our results: affirmative.

+ 9 comments

Anonymous says,

i mean sure. call the world's greatest Olympian ever a gorilla. he only went to your university and is representing your country on the greatest international stage. Posted 08/16/2008 01:08 AMReply

Anonymous says,

thank god phelps isn't black, otherwise you'd have a real crapstorm on your hands Posted 08/16/2008 10:50 AMReply

Patrick Bateman says,

^ Ahahaha, very true. Posted 08/16/2008 2:03 PMReply

Anonymous says,

Really though, sports fans act like gorrillas, screaming and stomping and going "hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo!!!" while shaking their fists Posted 08/16/2008 8:46 PMReply

Anonymous says,

this is the dumbest shit i have ever seen Posted 08/21/2008 11:31 PMReply

Anonymous says,

I'd call you a no-talent ****, but the ****s of the world would be too shamed by your drivel. Posted 08/22/2008 01:57 AMReply

Anonymous says,

The above word that's starred out is kunt. Posted 08/22/2008 02:01 AMReply

Anonymous says,

The above word that's starred out is kunt. Posted 08/22/2008 02:02 AMReply

Anonymous says,

With a 'C'. Also, you aren't worthy to carry A-Hor's jock strap, much less Johnny Quest's.

In fact, I wouldn't be surprised to hear you're a non-Michigan student acting otherwise to keep hits up ala a steph or hector.

If you, Benton Quest, are from Michigan, tell me where to get a dollar burger, where to get a shark bowl, which campus bar has beer pong, where the real Cottage Inn is and where IM basketball is played? To top it off, where is Kerrytown's best sandwich? If you answer three, I'll eat my hat. Posted 08/22/2008 02:17 AMReply