Don't tell me what to believe! What? You believe in god? You think Jesus was the son of  GOD!? HAHAHAHAHAHA Seriously? Wow! Man, you are ****ing dumb! I can't believe that you believe that! People like you make me so mad because you actually think we just appeared here one day and you don't think evolution happened.

- JOHN EVERETT TROWBRIDGE (JUNIOR YEAR)

College is a rite-of-passage in many ways and so are the bologna phases you go through.

Here is something I would say making fun of my friend Sean behind his back to a close friend. I would say that God is equivalent to Santa or the female organism (I have seen the light since...ladies). I would make arguments that it is stupid because of the flying spaghetti monster, Scientology and other faux religions. What was the point of holding up something when you know its not true? Why not hold up a infallible plate of penne alla vodka? I could write "Delicious superstitious" on my facebook under religious views.

I faded out of this phase after reading some books on the knights Templar and watching some Da Vinci code-esque documentaries. I thought I was cracking the biggest code in history from my very own couch while taking breaks to watch bangbus (Amateur porn series where porno stars act like regulars girls who get picked up in a van, paid to have sex, and then ditched in the middle of nowhere). I thought I was like Tom Hanks because I knew that Jesus and Mary had children. Little did I know that it could all be bullshit like anything else. I knew Dan Brown wrote fiction but I wanted these secret societies to really exist because I wanted to single handily take them down.

It is very possible that Jesus and Mary scooped up some sacrament and blessed each other all night long. I will say that I hope they role played (The Inquisition?). It wouldn't (and shouldn't) change a thing. If he was half human half divine then why couldn't he drill Mary?  It would be weird if he didn't have sex. Have you ever met somebody who acts like they don't get the itch? Its weird, right? If we acted exactly like Jesus, not acting until we consult our WWJD bracelets, we would be asexual and completely misunderstood. Everybody would interpret everything we do in a million different ways. We would order a grill stuffed burrito at taco bell and we would get back a chalupa, a gordita, an enchilada, three soft tacos, three hard tacos, a Mexican pizza and a a disgustingly translucent quesadilla.

The beauty of the menu at Taco Bell (and religion) is that its all pretty much the same. Its when people whisper "I don't think his fat ass can take another burrito" behind you in line that you start to boycott things and put labels on people. That's what I was doing.

And so ends one of my many college phases...