So, your first house party. Everything is set. People are to arrive in an hour. Time to tap the keg. This is an auspicious moment for you and your buddies. From the time you called your 21-year-old friend to the time you hid in the back of the car just to be there when it was purchased, this keg has been your pride and joy, the highlight of your week. Now the time has come to relinquish the sweet ambrosia from inside, what words can express your joy?

"Here's to tapping kegs, spreading legs and keeping sperm away from eggs"
-Unknown Author. A good quote for those bold enough to believe they are getting some action tonight.

"My advice to you, is to start drinking heavily."
-"Animal House". An older quote, but no one speaks the truth like Bluto.

"Draft beer, not people."
-Unkown Author. Soon to be relevant again when GW enters his final year of tyranny.

"To alcohol! The cause and solution to all of life's problems."
-The Simpsons. So philosophical you might have thought it was that other Homer.

"Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.”
-George Bernard Shaw. Sad, yet true.