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Comforting Words From An I-Banker: "Say Goodbye to [Your] Wall Street Dreams."

Comforting Words From An I-Banker: "Say Goodbye to [Your] Wall Street Dreams."

According to IvyGate, graduating seniors with aspirations of making it on Wall Street should re-evaluate their short-term career goals–as soon as possible.

 

Speaking to an unidentified Ivy-Leaguer-turned-investment-banker, Dan Haley confirmed that, due to the current economic climate, internships at financial firms have become the unicorn of th...

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President Richard Nixon Hated the Ivy League, Secretly Planned Its Destruction

President Richard Nixon Hated the Ivy League, Secretly Planned Its Destruction

Last week, the Nixon Library released over 198 hours of President Richard Nixon ranting and raving about--more or less--everything.

 

From the press to the Ivy League, Old Dick Nixon hated it all, and he wasn’t afraid to let everyone within an earshot know it—whether they cared to listen or not.

 

Thankfully, the mad ramblings of this presidenti...

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Breaking: Brown Discovers Students Don't Want to Take Classes During Winter Break

Breaking: Brown Discovers Students Don't Want to Take Classes During Winter Break

Two years ago, January@Brown, the Web 2.0-inspired name given to Brown’s 10-day not-for-credit winter academic term, was born—probably from some ill-conceived notion that students love their university so much that they simply cannot get enough of it during the other eleven months.

 

As it turns out, however, 99.9 percent of the students do not ...

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John Krasinski Visits Brown, Refuses to Attend Prom With Obsessed Fangirl

John Krasinski Visits Brown, Refuses to Attend Prom With Obsessed Fangirl

Last Tuesday, John Krasinski, Brown ’02, returned to his alma mater to impart wisdom upon the hundreds of adoring fans and students that came to hear him speak at Stuart Theater.

 

That’s right; Jim, the lovable, mischievous Assistant Regional Manager on NBC’s hit series The Office, is an Ivy Leaguer.

 

With such an impressive resume topped by b...

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Anne Hathaway's New Man Is Former Brown University Sleazebag

Anne Hathaway's New Man Is Former Brown University Sleazebag

Anne Hathaway is known as an actress with promise but also with very bad taste in men. It was just this summer that her former boyfriend Raffaello Follieri made headlines and not the good kind. He was arrested on fraud charges, sullying Hathaway’s name and supposedly causing naked pictures of her to fall into the FBI’s hands.
 

Now the ever-repu...

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Grade Inflation Rears Its Ugly Head at Brown, More Than Half of Grades Issued Are A's

Grade Inflation Rears Its Ugly Head at Brown, More Than Half of Grades Issued Are A's

Every Ivy League university has been accused of grade inflation, the timeless art of giving students an A simply because they are special snowflakes, at one time or another, and today, it’s Brown’s turn.

 

According to the Office of Institutional Research, more than half of the grades issued last year (50.6%) were A’s. Since 1994, the number of ...

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Brown's Annual Sex Power God Party Deemed a Success, Only Nine Students Hospitalized

Brown's Annual Sex Power God Party Deemed a Success, Only Nine Students Hospitalized

For the uninitiated, Sex Power God is the annual fundraiser thrown by Brown University’s Queer Alliance. In 2005, the event came under heavy scrutiny when conservative political pundit Bill O’Reilly aired raunchy footage taken at the event on Fox News and 24 students ended up in the hospital.

 

Since then, event coordinators have taken great str...

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Brown Professor Develops Software Capable of Seeing People Naked

Brown Professor Develops Software Capable of Seeing People Naked

Scarlett Johansson, Kristen Bell and Jessica Alba all share one thing common: they’ve never done a nude scene in a movie, much to the dismay of men everywhere. However, thanks to a Brown professor, that’s all about to change – sort of.

 

Professor of Computer Science Michael Black and his associate, Alexandru Balan, have developed a sophisticate...

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Brown Students Discover How to Ordain Friends With the Push of a Button

Brown Students Discover How to Ordain Friends With the Push of a Button

The key to becoming an ordained minister isn’t religious piety or devotion; it’s pressing a button on the Universal Life Church homepage and filling in some basic biographical information.

 

That’s right – with a simple click of the mouse, you too can become a minister for ULC, spreading the word of God to, uh, all your friends on campus.

 

The ...

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Brown Student Pens Book About Chuck Norris and Mr. T, Pities Da Fool in The Process

Brown Student Pens Book About Chuck Norris and Mr. T, Pities Da Fool in The Process

“Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.”

 

Thanks to the Chuck Norris Random Fact Generator, Chuck Norris, also known as Walker Texas Ranger, became an Internet legend – a meme that simply will not die.

 

Now, the creator of the infamous compendium of tall-tale facts that revitalized Norris’ defunct career, Brown’s very own...

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