CornellEvents

Cornell Jews Eat Dinner; Meet en Masse

Cornell Jews Eat Dinner; Meet en Masse

Snow falling briskly, cocoa soothing the throats and souls of all, and everyone gathering around the Shabbat tree for gifts from a certain someone.  Few feelings can ever really match the excitement of Shabbat, we all know the feeling of running down the stairs to see what Santa Ch'laus has given on

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CornellRandom

Cornell Really Likes Environment; Picks New Face of "Really Liking The Environment"

Cornell Really Likes Environment; Picks New Face of "Really Liking The Environment"
You may notice more and more environment-conscious sights popping up on Cornell's campus and, frankly, I resent it.  But this isn't about me, it's about Cornell, which apparently resents me for resenting Cornell's tree-hugging tendencies.

Most recently, th... MORE »
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CornellText Worthy

Colbert Coming to Rock Ithaca's World

Colbert Coming to Rock Ithaca's World
Guess who's coming to town?  "Famed comedian and political satirist" Stephen Colbert!!!!!!!111111!!!!!   In other news, I just unhinged my jaw and swallowed a small kitten out of excitement!!!!11111!!22222!!!!!!

For those not familiar with the God-King Colbert, he has been behind The Dana Carvey Sho... MORE »
Latest comment by Anonymous: who would be crazy enough to go to this on the weekend of the michigan-minnesota game!?

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CornellNews

Grad Student Regresses, Makes Bomb Threat

Grad Student Regresses, Makes Bomb Threat
Yesterday at around 11 a.m. C.U.P.D. evacuated Sage Hall after a Cornell faculty member received a bomb threat via email.  The coppers spent 2 hours searching for the bomb.  (That's more than 4 episodes of Arrested Development, people.  Not exactly a small time commitment.)

The saddest part: tha... MORE »
Latest comment by Anonymous: I wanted to make my username usergame and my password assword. I wanted to comment on this article and say that this is my favorite image yet because it's so absurd. I wanted to do so much, but I refuse to verify my account by going to my outdated hotmail address.

This is Allen.

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CornellNews

Sun Staff Adds "Eclipse", Doesn't Understand Astronomy

Sun Staff Adds "Eclipse", Doesn't Understand Astronomy
The Daily Sun has recently come to the conclusion that they need to amp up their daily publication.  You might ask, "But how?  How on Earth could the staff make The Sun more Sun-ny?"  With an Eclipse!  That's how!

Eclipse, which I first noticed Friday (when it was introduced), is descr... MORE »
Latest comment by The Reverend: Well then praise the Lord that I finally found the Great Arbiter of Comedy who, high atop his perch, sits and judges all of those beneath him. I hear that if you're truly blessed He will even d... MORE »

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CornellEvents

Classes, Awkward Moments Begin

Classes, Awkward Moments Begin
As all good Cornellians know, class begins in August and August weather should be overcast leading into rain.  Today hit check 1 and check 2 as the first day of classes ended a sprinkling of precipitation.  But classes bring more than just classes, they bring awkwardness.

Surely we all know the sensation -... MORE »
Latest comment by Anonymous: I sometimes pull out my phone and even pretend to talk depending on how dire the situation is

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CornellCampus Characters

Dalai Lama Tickets Go on Sale to Students; Rockstar Lifestyle Coming to Ithaca

Dalai Lama Tickets Go on Sale to Students; Rockstar Lifestyle Coming to Ithaca
His holiness Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama, will speak at Barton Hall on campus on October 9.  While his subject matter of the lecture ("A Human Approach to World Peace") says "we're talking issues", we all know the Lama's free loving and partying ways wi... MORE »
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CornellText Worthy

Area Woman Seeking Frat Boys; Dignity

Area Woman Seeking Frat Boys; Dignity
Note: Some links below will lead you to adult content.  And no, it's not the talented Maury Shafer's "60 Minutes."

For those of you who haven't been keeping up on your summer reading of Craig's List's "Casual Encounters" section, you've missed out.  This lady ("The Skank") is posting listing an "Or
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Latest comment by Cranky Kitten: d/d means drug and disease free -- the last thing this girl needs is a case of Lindsay Lohan mugshot meth face. The only thing that could make her *less* desirable would be ... oh, wait.

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CornellNews

Apparent Nudist Headed to Ithaca

Apparent Nudist Headed to Ithaca
Above you will find a computer generated image of the finest man I've ever known: Sharpstar55.  Godspeed.
Over on Cornell's College Confidential message board, one of the greatest minds of our time, Sharpstruck55, asked "What Do People Wear During August / Orientation?"  Many have pondered this question ... MORE »
Latest comment by Anonymous: Class video from a life of nudists www.nudistworld.net

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CornellNews

Cornell Becoming Public Library, Too Late to Get Tuition Back

Cornell Becoming Public Library, Too Late to Get Tuition Back
Above is a high-tech computer generated image of what a picture of Mann Library would look like once it is  "digitized" into computers and the internwebs.
Damn the information age for destroying everything we hold sacred!  Technology -- you know who you are -- is making Cornel... MORE »
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