The State College Spikes is a Pittsburgh Pirates minor league affiliate going into their third year of existence. They're a professional baseball team in State College. No, seriously I swear. That's what that baseball field across from Beaver Stadium is for. Things do happen here in the summer you know, besides Arts Fest. Anyway, they're looking for someone to be Ike, the team's mascot, so if you have dancing skillz, don't sweat in 120 degree heat and can take little kids peeing on your lap, this is the internship for you!

I can speak from experience when I say that dressing up as a mascot, in the summer is one of the worst experiences you can have. One time, at a supermarket I was working at, I volunteered to dress up as Lucky the Leprechaun from Lucky Charms cereal (huge stretch I know).
 
Now if you've never dressed up in a mascot outfit before, consider yourself lucky, unless it's paying for your tuition. On the day I wore my costume it was easily 90+ degrees, but luckily the ginormous head of Lucky came with a fan installed. Of course it didn't work. My point is, just walking around for a few hours I probably lost about 10lbs of water weight. And I didn't even have to dance, or do push-ups, or flips or whatever the **** Ike is going to have to do.

OK, so one good part about dressing up like that is you get to act a little crazy and you don't have to worry about people thinking you're actually ... well crazy. Where else are you going to be able to get up in front of a crowd full of people and dance  or grab strangers and make them do ridiculous things and get paid? Really? That is what the do at End Zone huh? Well, OK. Where can you do that clothed? Exactly!

Now comes perhaps the worst part of being a mascot - children. Don't get me wrong I love kids ... well no, mostly I hate kids. I only like the ones related to me. Anyway, when you're dressed up in a ridiculous gigantic deer outfit there are only two reactions you're going to get from kids - bone-rattling screams of fear, or hugs. Inevitably the parents of the screaming tots will want to force their children on you, leading to years and years of therapy once they reach high school. I wouldn't know though, I'm just assuming. I mean, I have no problem with mascots. But seriously, if the Philly Phantic comes anywhere near me ... god help him.

But, if I haven't talked you out of becoming the next Ike, then make sure to call the Spikes and reserve your spot for a tryout. As the ad says, you'll need a 30-60 second dance routine or skit ready to go. I got the robot, the sprinkler and the shopping cart down pretty well, but I don't think that can take up 30 seconds.