Machetes: Deadlier Than You Think

Posted by The Peasant 04/16/2008 2:00 PM

Tags: noam chomsky, nuclear bombs, machetes

For those of you who don't check Tuftslife regularly, you're missing out. During Noam Chomsky's recent lecture, he apparently mentioned something regarding how machetes kill more people each year than nuclear bombs. First of all, duh. Second of all, we Jumbos aren't ones to sit on our laurels. A group of civic-minded students put up an ad for the Tufts Against Machetes General Interest Meeting and all that I can say is please, for the love of God, let this be a real group!

And now, the ad itself:

"Machetes have killed and maimed millions of human beings, particularly in Africa. Yet the images of nuclear bombs, which have caused barely one-tenth of the deaths attributable to machetes, dominate our imagination. Tufts Against Machetes (TAM) believes this unjust focus must shift. Hundreds of people die every day at the hands of machete-wielding maniacs. How many die every day from nuclear bombs? None! Machetes are the true silent killer.

Join us as we discuss how to take action against machetes, through flyers, rallies, teach-ins and the interweb. We will show you how, together, we can stop this menace - without even leaving campus! Syrian metallurgist Ai-Wonaby Fayed will join us on Monday to discuss sustainable alternatives to the common machete. Joe Kerr will play a selection of folk music and a variety of vegan snacks will be served. "

And I'm spent. Bravo, TAM, bravo.

Comments

Anonymous says,

oh good lord Posted 04/16/2008 3:08 PMReply

Anonymous says,

folk music and vegan snacks...ha!
i love hippies Posted 04/16/2008 4:23 PMReply

The Libertine says,

This is the finest parody of the Tufts Activist Culture (like an religion, it needs to be capitalized) I have ever seen... Posted 04/16/2008 4:45 PMReply

Anonymous says,

This was indeed a joke meant to poke fun at fools like Chomsky and the people who suck him off (figuratively). Sadly, people actually showed up to it. Posted 04/16/2008 5:27 PMReply

The Merry Widow says,

I don't know if I'd call machetes "silent" killers... Posted 04/16/2008 5:42 PMReply

Anonymous says,

"This was indeed a joke meant to poke fun at fools like Chomsky and the people who suck him off (figuratively). Sadly, people actually showed up to it."

First of all, it wasn't a joke. Second of all, the fact that over 20 people were in the room when the thing started proves how the idea resonates with people. The Tuftslife entry got it wrong. The Merry Widow is right. Machetes aren't silent killers. They're more like "Aargh, you just cut my arm off! Aargh! Help me!" And goes what? Until now, no one has heeded that cry for help. But someone has to. So, you can take your cynicism and stick it somewhere!

We can do something to stop this suffering and find sustainable alternatives, but lazy naysayers like you just want to get us to sit back down and let Fox News tell us how people in the developing world deserve to be maimed because they don't wear flag pins on their lapels.

And what's so wrong with doing this? What have we got to lose? I mean, we don't have to die for this and waste all the tuition money we invested. I'm just saying we have to do something to let the voices of us and machete victims be heard. If we take a moral stand, that's the first step. And who disagrees that machetes aren't a threat? So, there's really unity about them on campus!

And it's a hard problem. We can't find solutions. Not immediately. Machetes are much harder to deal with than nukes. I mean, the only time a nuclear missile kills someone these days is when redneck air force soldiers think it's a cow and try to topple it over and then it falls on top of them. But that's what you get when the military's full of hicks. Nukes aren't a credible problem.

But machetes, we can actually look at doing something. So, instead of making fun, why not become involved and try to find real answers to hard questions?

Look out for more meetings in the future

The TAM Political Action Committee Posted 04/16/2008 6:02 PMReply

Anonymous says,

The Machete threat is real and must be dealt with. We could throw a benefit concert. We can call it "Live Blade." Posted 04/16/2008 8:10 PMReply

Anonymous says,

no, "Invisible Maimed Children" Posted 04/17/2008 10:29 AMReply

laptoplex says,

The scariest part is that ANYONE can get a hold of a machete, it's much easier than getting a nuclear weapon or even a gun. Posted 04/17/2008 10:41 AMReply

Anonymous says,

If you're going to hire Machete to kill the bad guy, you'd better make damn sure the bad guy isn't you! Posted 04/17/2008 6:41 PMReply

The Agent says,

@ Anonymous: "He ****ed with the wrong Mexican!" Posted 04/17/2008 8:18 PMReply

Anonymous says,

@ The Agent: He knows the score... he gets the women... and he kills the bad guys Posted 04/18/2008 9:12 PMReply

Anonymous says,

We hope you're not still deluding yourselves that Machetes are a joke. They're a menace, and they're hitting closer to home than you'd think. Here's the proof:

http://bostonherald.com/news/regional/general/view.bg?articleid=1089918&srvc=home&position=comment

The TAM Political Action Committee Posted 04/27/2008 9:03 PMReply