In a shocking and unprecedented move, those patrons of comedy at Major: Undecided have finally taken advantage of the clause in their constitution allowing them to declare war on other student organizations. The target: none other than the Tufts Daily. Details of the bloody battles to come will surely emerge at the MU show this Saturday. For now, prepare for the upcoming carnage by reading the following official Declaration of War:

To Whom it May Concern,

Salutations, Editors, Editrixes and assorted Vassals of the Tufts Daily: The Following is a formal Declaration of War between the Glorious Organization Major:Undecided⎯Tufts' only Sketch Comedy Troupe⎯and your Ignominious Publication. The injustices suffered by our People at the hands of your brutish, oppressive Ruffians have been endured for far too long, and We do fully intend to immediately put an end to your Tyranny. We do affirm that the Tufts Daily has wrought the following deleterious acts upon the good citizens of our Troupe:

Firstly, that it has attached un-humorous ratings of difficulty to its Sudoku puzzles that do much confuse and inflame the mind and do abase the most excellent discipline of Logic.

Secondly, that it has rendered the page of View-Points a confounding forum of quotidian inanities which does lack the refinement of the most admirable and noble art of Rhetoric.

Thirdly, and most egregiously, that it has emblazoned itself with an unseemly Coat of Arms most resembling a chimerical beast bearing some manner of parasol, which does much offend the time-honored regulations and decorum of the fine institution of Heraldry.

For these Reasons, We do seek redress in the form of Glorious Combat to be conducted according to the following Conditions and Terms of Engagement:

To the victor go the spoils. In the Most Inevitable Outcome Scenario in which We reign forever Victorious over your pestilential cluster of bestial homunculi, the Tufts Daily shall surrender the following:

The Most Glorious Troupe shall retain authorship of the section entitled "Late Night at the Daily" for a period of one fortnight, being fourteen (14) days, of our choosing. During this Time Period, aforementioned section shall be rechristened "The Daily is forever inferior to Major:Undecided, may we pay them homage and ask their mercy".

Should, in impious defiance of all Providence and Probability, the undisciplined jackanapes of the Tufts Daily emerge the victors, the Glorious Organization Major:Undecided shall write two (2) eloquent and virtuous View-Points on topics chosen by the Ignoble Tufts Daily, thus sparing the News-Paper the Augean duty of gathering Opposite-Editorial Columns from myriad universities across the Nation.

In keeping with the Regulations set forth in the most venerable Irish Code Duello of A.D. 1777, the challenged party, hereafter to be referred to as the Accursed and Dastardly Tufts Daily, has the right of choosing the Weapons and the location of the Battle-Ground. Should the Accursed and Dastardly Tufts Daily refuse to engage in Glorious Combat, the Righteous and Implacable Comedy Troupe Major:Undecided shall have no recourse but to aver the cowardice of the Accursed and Dastardly Tufts Daily and furthermore lay siege to Curtis Hall in order to take the offices of the Most Disreputable News-Paper by force.

Our Cause is just and our Convictions firm. We await the reply of the Tufts Daily once its officers and ensigns muster the Fortitude necessary to engage in Glorious Combat with our Most Insurmountable Organization. Until such Events have come to pass, We remain

Most sincerely and bellicosely yours,

The Right Honorable and Motley-Clad Dramatists of the Inimitable Sketch-Comedy Troupe Major:Undecided