Think of that screaming girl in every horror movie ever made. Got it? Ok, on with the story.

Some guy put up a listing for “giving away free gum” under the “Free” section of Facebook Marketplace.

If you need a piece i will give you one. . come to me for a free piece of gum

Now I have to assume he wasn't trying to be funny because that's not the least bit funny so I'll give him enough credit to believe he's serious.

On behalf of the University of Michigan population my feeling of abject terror is somewhere between getting chased by a chainsaw wielding mad man and being forced into a sports car at 3 AM with Lindsay Lohan at the wheel (Lindsay is only a few years from the chainsaw bit anyway. That's assuming the cocaine has left her with enough muscle to lift it).

This compares to luring children into a car with candy except it's freshman girls (often more gullible). Responding to this listing would probably garner a reply something like “Ok, meet me at the corner of White and Dewey at midnight”.

Here's Johnny!