Of all the things to dislike about SoCal, this definitely tops the list: how they always say NorCal burritos aren’t good because they’re not “authentic.”

First off, that’s offensive to the Hispanic gentleman at Gordo Taqueria who makes delicious burritos. Second, we don’t see you bragging about other “authentic” Mexican products. No one brags “my guitar is made in mexico bro” or “dude check out my authentic peso!” or “I got this pitcher of authentic Mexican water!” Third, there's no such thing as an authentic burrito. Since when did they serve "little donkeys" in mexico, you idiot?

And finally, this is America: NOTHING is authentic here. You think California rolls are Japanese? You think pizza here is Italian? You think they serve kung pao chicken in Beijing? You think our recycling centers actually process all our crap, and politicians are going to fulfill their lofty promises?

So shut up. I like my burrito, it has beans and rice in it, and a Mexican dude made it for me. With love. That’s all I need.