The notorious Tufts Table Thieves have struck again for the first time! As I strolled down Packard Avenue on Saturday night, what should I see but two young ruffians sprinting out of AEPi with a large table-shaped object in tow. "My word! What is this world coming to? Did they just steal a table?," I thought to myself. Moments later, my suspicions were confirmed as the erstwhile robbers began boasting loudly of their deed, yelling things like "We just stole a ****ing table!" and "Holy shit, I can't believe we took a table from AEPi."

The culprits continued to trot merrily towards Lewis/Hodgdon with their ill-gotten gains. Does anyone know that fate of the table? Is it scared? Is it safe? Has it developed Stockholm Syndrome, perhaps? Only time will tell, Jumbos.