So, Freshman, the clock’s ticking down the seconds until you’re parent-free, and the illusion that you’re an adult can begin. Fab. All the paperwork you’d never thought you’d see from Tufts is finally rolling in, including your dorm assignment.

But what does it all mean?! Sure, you can check out Yolanda’s dated-as-**** ResLife site, which tells you nothing. Or, you can turn to OTR, the saviors of your life. As usual.

Thus, Chapter 1: The freshman-only dorms.

Sure, you thought you were a genius signing up to live with only freshman as lost as yourself for your first year. But did you know you’re also signing up to be in the loudest, most bona fide dirt ridden rooms, too? Congratulations! Clearly none of you have ever been inside a freshman boy’s room, or met a princess-y girl who hasn’t ever been without a maid. Be prepared for roommate conflicts and lots of TEMS episodes right in your very own hallways!

Oh, and you might meet some friends, too. But that’s beside the point.