So not only do the incoming freshmen get to refer to their class as "7-11," they also get to brag about being (statistically) the smartest students at Tufts. But, you might be saying, each incoming class boasts better and better stats; why is this different?

Well, because this year I'm a senior, making me statistically the dumbest on the hill. I feel like Ted Stevens trying to compete with Obama, or something. These young whippersnappers may have taken an SAT with 2400 points instead of 1600, but they better not let me overhear them talking about it.

My only source of pleasure is the knowledge that with their youth comes soon-to-be-crushed idealism (the chumps are probably thinking that they're going to "write a thesis" or "change the world"; pretty soon they'll learn that no one cares) and a woeful ignorance to the way things are done here at Tufts. I can comfort myself knowing that while I'm buying booze and enjoying myself at any number of bars or 21+ clubs, they'll be standing in line to get into ATO and drinking PBR. Ah, victory.