Forget about being "Rock City." It turns out Detroit must be a really effing boring place to live, because their newspapers are apparently so strapped for stories that they came up with this gemstone, entitled (no joke) "Five things about pigeons."

Along with letting previously pigeon-ignorant Detroitians (Detroiters?) know that pigeon crap possibly caused the collapse of the I-35W bridge in Minneapolis and pigeons come in "seven basic color schemes," the article also cites a study done here at Tufts that discovered pigeons have really good memories.

This must be those researchers' proudest moment: getting cited next to freaky pigeon-racers and killer bird shit in an article that has literally no purpose whatsoever except being able to turn the word "pigeonholed" into a cringe-inducing pun. Maybe next time they could try studying memory in animals that aren't so embarrassing.