The University of Florida is paying euthanasia advocate Dr. Jack Kevorkian $50,000 to come to Gainesville in an effort to control the expanding emo population at UF. He will be speaking at the university Oct. 11; his first public speaking engagement since his June 1 release from prison for second-degree murder in the poisoning of a man who had Lou Gehrig’s disease. Kevorkian, aka Dr. Death, claims to have “helped” at least 130 patients to physician-assisted suicide.

*WARNING*
If you suffer from depression or listen to bands like Good Charlotte, please do not attend this event.