Ah, College Confidential. An internet gathering place for the disturbingly admissions-obsessed, the totally paranoid, and the types of moms that hire life coaches. But most importantly, College Confidential provides a space for all of them to ask those college-related questions nobody else will answer... like this one, coming to you from a user with the alias "perfectusername":

"I've got a big mess on my hands right now.
I got caught by the police messing around with my gf in my car. I'm 18 and she WILL be 18 in 2 months (this was back in april). Her mom decided not to press charges at the time under the condition that I never see her (my gf) again. I saw her again recently and got caught. Now she's threatening to tell cornell, press charges, and tell my parents. So...I'm just wondering how far Cornell will go with this kind of information about me. I see it as a technicality in the law - I'm not taking advantage of a considerably younger girl. Hell, she acts more mature than me most of time. But i'm not sure if Cornell would see it the same way I do. What do you think they'd do?"

Holy shit, that sucks. First of all, what a bitch. Also, that's a good question-- would The Man rescind his admission?

I mean, the dude in question says that in his state (Cali), 18-with-17 sex is only a misdemeanor. Tons of us get caught pissing in that street next to Pixel all the time and Cornell hasn't kicked us out yet, so you can rest easy, young pervinator. You should be fine.

PS: Yup, that's McCaulay Culkin...because why not?