Due to a drug bust in June around West Sacramento and Stockton, the Yolo Narcotic Enforcement Team has a new thing to worry about besides normal cocaine: flavored cocaine. Coming in flavors like coconut, strawberry, banana and chocolate, these new kicks are supposed to be “more appetizing for our younger generation,” but just as deadly.

First off, why the hell would they make coconut flavor cocaine before apple? Don’t these druggies know anything about marketing? It’s the common fruit flavors and then it’s the exotic Southeast Asian flavors, no****ingduh. Next thing you know, they’ll have jackfruit and guava crack way before watermelon.

Besides, this isn’t anything new – flavored dust made for human consumption that already obnoxious kids take to get an “elevated heart rate”? Are you sure the police didn’t just stumble through a Pixie Stix™ factory out in the boonies?