Admittedly, I have on occasion wished I owned a slave. Mostly, I would force him/her only into moderate exertion. The slave could return my library books, hold my hair back when I need to vomit, and even write blog posts for me. (Is this just an elaborate cover for the reality of the fact that I already have a slave who writes my posts? Oh psychological conundrums…)

Grand Canyon University students have gotten resourceful and fulfilled their need for slaves by picking through faculty members. According to the Arizona Republic:

Here's an idea that all Arizona universities might want to consider as a perk for students: Hand faculty members and administrators a dolly cart and have them move students into the dorms.

That's exactly what happened last week at Grand Canyon University, where about 30 officialshelped more than 400 freshmen move into their dorms at the school's west Phoenix campus.

Why didn’t I think of that before? Faculty slaves!? I guess I was too busy vomiting on my own dangling hair. Or dragging furniture into the dorms.