Surprise, surprise, the two men who claim to have found the body of Bigfoot, Matt Whitton and Rick Dyer, didn’t have much to offer the media at their press conference this afternoon in Palo Alto—except bravado. One DNA sample has been tested so far, a sample which showed traces of human DNA, opossum DNA, and the DNA of another unidentified organism. The Bigfoot duo claims that another test must be conducted on the second DNA sample, but (shocker!) only by scientists of their own choosing. Curtis Nelson of University of Minnesota tested the first DNA sample, and they brought an e-mail from him to the press conference as proof of the scientific diligence being exercised. Whitton and Dyer have not yet showed the body to any members of the press or revealed the exact location of their discovery. Despite these shortcomings, Whitton triumphantly proclaimed “we’re now the best Bigfoot hunters in the world,” which is always a good thing to put on a resume.

We can definitely trust the claims of these men because Dyer is a car salesman. The two have communicated that they haven’t an idea how to possibly make money off of their purported Bigfoot discovery. Previously, they had mentioned the idea of running Bigfoot expedition tours but have now apparently given up on living the dream.

An overzealous Bigfoot follower, Tom Biscardi, expressed his faith in Whitton and Dyer. “This is as real as you’re standing right where you are,” he told a member of the press. Meanwhile Professor Jeffrey Meldrum, a Bigfoot researcher at Idaho State University, called the Bigfoot discovery “shenanigans.” And no, he’s not jealous.