Obviously the threat of global warming pales in comparison to the horror Santa Barbara residents recently faced: a temporary blue line painted down their streets.

The terrifyingly named Light Blue Line was meant to illustrate the city’s new shoreline if Greenland’s ice caps were to melt and the sea level rose 21 feet. Thankfully, the plan has been pulled after real-estate baron Jerry Beaver formed an anti-Light Blue Line committee to protect us from the real danger here: the possible diminution of property values for those homes on the wrong side of the temporary line.

Council member Helene Schneider was sad to see the plan pulled, remarking that, “You’d hear people go, ‘Oh my God I’m going to lose my mortgage.' But they weren’t freaking out about the real threat but about a little paint on the street. The whole thing is sad.”

“I’m a Beaver,” Beaver was heard to respond, “And Beavers are good at swimming, so I’m not really worried about this global warming thing.” He then gnawed on a piece of wood before retiring into his aptly-named “I-Don’t-Give-a-Dam."