Many of you will remember when we last reported on hero Jerry Beaver, the local real-estate mogul and adorable rodent who fought a terrifying environmental awareness art project called Light Blue Line, which would have involved a temporary light blue line painted down the city’s streets to show the effects of global warming. Heroism apparently doesn’t come cheap, however, a Beaver is now seeking donations to help defray the $35,000 he spent fighting the environmental art project.
That’s right, Beaver somehow managed to spend $35,000 fighting a line of paint, and is now asking for handouts from the public. Obviously, many of you readers are poor college students, but please consider helping this true American hero!
“I’m a Beaver,” Beaver was heard to say, as he patted mud onto his dam with his large tail, “So I don’t mind global warming; beavers don’t mind getting wet.”
A more tasteful and less obvious joke about Beaver’s name could not be found during the writing of this blog. Similarly, someone who deserves the public’s help even less than Jerry Beaver was not available for comment, due to the fact that they don’t exist.

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