Today's installment of Local Legends is a brief catalog of UCSB’s most illustrious hobos. Let’s do this by category, to make it easy.

Most Schizophrenic: The Mineral Man! This vehement vegan passes out flyers and screams at people about government conspiracies related to meat products. Amusing at first, then really unnerving.

Most Creepy: Bushy-Bearded Dude, the one who rides his high-handlebar bike to and fro. No other distinguishing characteristics, he's just truly creepy.

Most Legendary: The one-and-only Pirate. He cat-calls, plays the harmonica, and wears an eyepatch. If promised beer or change, he will smoke a cigarette through his empty eye-socket covered by said eye-patch. Easily the most charismatic bum we got, but he has a shadowy past.

Next time you see these fellas, hold your coins tight and laugh like everyone else at poverty amidst such opulence!