This recently overheard conversation serves as an important reminder to underclassmen and douchebags: Stop saying idiotic things that clearly identify you as the ass that you are.  

Douchebag: Hey, remind me not to talk to your girlfriend. Because I have this like, gift, where I can always hook up with girls who have boyfriends.
Dude who apparently has a girlfriend: Um, no offense, but talk to my girlfriend all you want—she’s not going to hook up with you.
Douchebag: No seriously, man, you should take this as a compliment, because, you know, I like you, and I would never want to do something bad to you. It’s just this sick gift I have. I just always know the right things to say.

It’s pretty obvious at this juncture that Douchebag has never even touched a woman. Furthermore, no girl has ever cheated on her boyfriend with Douchebag, and no girl ever will.

(On a side note, Douchebag also didn’t really drink thirty-five beers in one day. He made that up because he thinks it makes him look cool.)