Who’s getting arrested? Who’s hanging out with an ex? Who might be in labor? Allow me to fill you in.

You might have heard last week that Ashlee Simpson was in labor, but according to Pete Wentz, who called into TRL’s final episode, the rumors are just not true. Ashlee’s sister, Jessica, told Ellen on her show that they might have to induce labor. That emo baby just doesn’t want to come out! On the upside, that gives us plenty of time to speculate what the baby’s name will be. My money’s on Melancholy.

**Update: They named their newborn baby boy Bronx Mowgli Wentz. Really? Melancholy was better.

Today's video of the week is brought to us by the most annoying militant organization of all time. Most people that aren’t in PETA hate PETA*. They do for the animal rights movement what Tom Cruise does for Scientology…make it creepy and obnoxious as ****. But this week, in what might be the best thing they have ever done, they poured a bag of flour on Lindsay Lohan’s head while she was heading into a club in Paris. Thankfully, someone had a camera handy. The result is more entertaining than every Lohan movie since Mean Girls.

Apparently the other side of the pond is the place to be lately. While Lindsay got floured, Kanye West was busy getting arrested for assaulting a paparazzi in London. He wrote on his blog about the incident in which he put up his hand to block the camera’s view of him. Apparently, in the ensuing commotion, the camera scraped the photog’s nose and hours later the police came knocking because the pap had filed a complaint. Charges were not filed and Kanye is adamant about getting that point across. Thanks for clearing that up, but can you please use a keyboard that doesn’t have a jammed caps lock key?

Not everyone is getting off easy. Heather Locklear has been formally charged with driving under the influence of drugs back in September. She might face up to six months in jail if convicted. I wouldn’t be too worried, if Paris can handle jail anyone can…all 20 minutes of it.

Speaking of Paris, she was seen in Miami with ex Stavros Niarchos, which sent the tabloids into a frenzy. God forbid two people attend the same event but tell that to The Sun who reported the flirtation. Of course, this is Paris Hilton so they’re probably not wrong. You can take the skank out of the girl, but herpes is forever.

In celebrity news more tragic than herpes, Miley Cyrus was NOT killed by a drunk driver as you might have heard from her official Youtube account. The person who planted the fake video was a hacker with too much time on their hand. Because that’s where Miley Cyrus fans get their news about her…Youtube videos. Cyrus had this to say about the hoax, "Oh, I'm ticked. I'm gonna like, smack 'em!” Yeah, maybe if you "smack 'em" hard enough, their cheeks will look as puffy as yours, chipmunk-face. 

That’s all the news for this week. Join me next time as we sort through more pregnancies, hookups, breakups and flour bombs.

*That’s right PETA, I’m calling you out. Seriously, if you can find a single piece of fur in my closet, let me know, so I can sell it for beer money. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a delicious steak to enjoy.