Yes, Greek Week has arrived to Miami University. Fratastic Bros and Sorostituting Daddy's Girls roll out in the hundreds for friendly competition between their respective establishments. It's a wonderful opportunity, for frats especially, to show students that they're all about making friends and having a good time. Hell, I'm sure freshman have witnessed just how warm and welcoming they are the first couple months of school. "THEY GAVE ME FREE BEER AND I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TWICE AS MANY GIRLS WITH ME!!!" Frats just sound like a virtual Heaven on campus during this time of the year. Recreational sports, free drinks, and every frat is sure to have its own set of frat rats - girls with low self-esteem that let any guy in a frat they've inhabited fill that void with something other than self-esteem.

Oh how great it would be if it were that simple, but as per usual, there is a cost. FRAT FEES - or dues - are charged per semester. However, unless you're a rich white guy - oh who am I kidding? that's Miami to the T!!! - you probably can't afford the cost of dues. If you are lucky enough to come from a family with a country club , then you still have to kill a little bit of yourself during pledging. Rumor has it some frats around here force pledges to drink obscene amounts of alcohol until they throw it up - THAT'S JUST WASTING ALCOHOL AND THAT'S NOT COOL, BRO! - and force pledges into a locked room with a puppy, and whomever kills the puppy first gets the group out, but can't join the frat. Confused? So am I, but tis the reality of some of the Greek Life here. 

Here's my advice. Save yourself the money and be a social person on your own. Grow a pair, make friends and meet girls on your own. Besides, if you make your way to Brick Street you're sure to find at least one hammered girl, bumpin' and grindin' on everything in sight that just might be willing to let you be her first mistake at college.