Today I met my roommate for the $2.99 deal at Boston Pizza Express-- two slices of pizza and a can of soda for 2-f*ckin-99.  I know, amazing isn't it?  Boston Pizza Express, if you're reading this, I'm just letting you know that I can be bought (for a very low low price).

As I was enjoying my inexpensive dinner, I was spacing out, looking around at the washed out, generic pictures of Greek isles.  If these guys weren't Greek the photos would probably be of Sicily or the Leaning Tower of Pisa--you know, some really touristy shit from the motherland.

Then something caught my eye.  No it was not more Greek landscapes; it was a window decal advertising the new Boston-wide "dining plan."

"What the hell is this?" I thought to myself?  Lucky for me, Boston Pizza Express also had a number of flyers explaining this ridiculous endeavor.

Let me begin my dissection of the Boston Bucks flyer with this priceless quote that takes up an unnecessarily large part of the first panel:

“Safety and health are always my main concerns, so it’s good to know my son isn’t spending money on alcohol and retail instead of food.”  -- Parent

First of all, could this quote be any more conspicuously created by this alleged “parent”?  Who speaks like that, and secondly who is really that concerned about their kid spending all their money on retail?

Secondly, is all the kid’s spending money going to be put into this account? By having Boston Bucks he’s definitely not going to be able to get his hands on any beer.  Luckily Boston Bucks is around to maintain prohibition. 

A more realistic quote:

“Now my kid can’t spend all his money on weed and beer.  God knows I’m already paying 50k, I don’t need to waste another couple thousand so he can f*ck up even more.”

This Boston Bucks scheme makes no sense.  Why would I pay to get a plan that would allow me to get food from only a select few stores when I have this other thing that’s good everywhere and is called money?  Call me crazy, but just plain money has been working for me.  Why commit myself to eating at four locations within a mile radius of where I live?  Why would I want another card taking up space in my already packed wallet (Subway giftcard, Espresso Royal giftcard—further pointless alternatives to money)?

Needless to say, I will not be enrolling in the program—mostly because Anna’s isn’t on the plan.